The Chief Is Back

Yo Yo Yo I'm back baby! Time to get my blog on! Some of you might be wondering "Patrick what the F bro where you been, how could you leave me all high and dry without any sweet blogs." I know... I know... it was unfair of me to leave my little blog children unattended for so long. I apologize, but I had a good reason I met a girl online and we started a bit of a romance. She was a fellow blogger like myself(all the cool ones are doing it). She read my blogs and started sending me messages and I read her blogs and responded to her messages. Iit was love at first blog I tell you. She wrote the cutest blog about kittens in everyday situations as if they were people. It was quite the social commentary my friends.

Long story short, it turned out she lived over on the other side of the pond in jolly old England. So the heart wants what the heart wants and I took an extended leave of absence from my first love the Kemosabe Cafe and traveled abroad to see my broad. It was a whirl wind of emotions. I was living a bohemian life style with no job, love was my career. I put down the computer and picked up a note book and pen. I stopped writing blogs and started writing poetry.

It was a fun romp, but something was missing I felt an itch I couldn't quite scratch, and it was starting to spread. It was actually a rash I developed while I was over there, it was a stress rash the doctor told me. I was so stressed about not doing anything remotely important. I missed my first love... being the big chief at the Kemosabe Cafe.

I packed my bags and hoped on the first plane back. I told my kitty mistress that we were destined only to be blog mates. That didn't go over so well, but I hope sometime in the future I will see her again as one of my blog followers.

The Chief is back and keeping his head down

Patrick

out







They say a blog picture can say a thousand words and this one tells me she is not ready to forgive me yet.

Dream Jibba Jabba

Yo my blogger friends warm up that finger and make sure it's stretched out because we don't want it to cramp up when it's on the Pulse!

I know it has been a little while but there has been some technical difficulties on my end. Not so much technical as in just difficulties... I forgot my password, I know what your thinking, why not just have them email me my password...well I forgot my email password too. Let me tell you something and for those of you who have done this you know once that happens you are screwed. I thought I was going to have to set up a new email account and new blog, but I had a dream last night and in that dream Mr. T and I were playing laser tag... I know super awesome right! And let me tell you Mr. T is the man at laser tag, the lasers just bounce off him. Well technically they bounce off everyone because if they didn't that would mean your fighting in the future and that would not be a game that would be a future war. But anyways the point of my story was during this awesome laser tag game with Mr. T he suddenly constructs a babies crib out of his gun, A Team style!( I know what your thinking a laser tag gun is not big enough to construct a babies crib out of, but you know how dreams make sense in the dream but later your like what the?) And then the next thing I know I'm the baby in the crib. My head is on a babies body. And then I remember looking up at Mr. T who now has my mom's head on his body! And as I am being picked up to be breast fed from Mr. T's pecks I shout out
"I Pity The Fool! Enough of this jibba jabba *********************!!! (* some text missing due to security reasons, the reasons being my password.) That's right I shouted out my password! I love it when a dream comes together!


The comforting Pulse is back


Oh and I almost burned down the restaurant last night but that's enough jibba jabba for one post.

Patrick

To spit or not to spit

Hiya Folks

Thanks for keeping your finger on the Kemosabe Cafe's pulse with me Patrick. I'm coming at you live from the Kemosabe Cafe and time is of the essence...

Today's blog topic is an age old restaurant dilemma... To spit or not to spit... that is the question...

I'll admit in my young buck days as a high spirited waiter sometimes the occasion would arise. I will not divulge the fine establishments names where said spittles took place. But I honestly thought those days were well behind me. The days when dick customers would rile me up so much that I would seek retribution through phlegm. I know we all like to tell ourselves stuff like that does not really happen in the restaurant world, but I'm here to tell you it most certainly does my blog reading buddies it most certainly does. But fear not my Kemosabe faithfuls I can guarantee that you have nothing to worry about if you are an enjoyable restaurant patron. The only ones that run the risk of dinning on a Chief Dan Burger with a side of loogie are those that are rude and disrespectful to the serving staff (aka douche bags). These not so fine people usually know who they are and even take pride in being this way. So if you are sitting there right now wondering if your food is spit free, relax your probably okay. Because deep down you already know if you should be on spit patrol when you dine out or even at home if you act the same way with your significant other while they're in the kitchen. The point is never piss off the people that handle your food its kind of a no brainer. Oh and good tips do buy safe passage through the spit minefield, maybe not that time because it may be already too late but possibly the next time, but there are no guarantees. The best defense is to not be a difficult dick in the first place.

Alright enough with my public spit service announcement the clock is ticking and this guy is way past that. Let me fill you in on the situation and my possible spit relapse. while I was driving to work today, minding my own business and following the rules of the road rocking out to Rush, I was savagely cut off! Resulting in me slamming on the breaks to avoid rear ended this individual. No signal, no wave of apology, no nothing, plus there was nothing behind me he had tons of space to pull in behind. So I give him a disapproving honk and he has the audacity to honk back and finger me! Are you kidding me?! He's clearly in the wrong and he fingers me! If your clearly the one who has committed the driving offense you have to take the honk, you don't get to be the one that's pissed, that's just extra bad karma.

Well karma has caught up with this one, because guess who pulled into the Kemosabe Cafe for dinner ahead of me and is currently sitting at table 2o waiting for his Chief Dan Burger. Boom. Yeah he is. And he has been a total D-bag to Sue who is serving him. The Karma Train is coming around the bend and its about to pull into the station next stop Spitsville. I guess the lesson that can be taken away from here today is... be the best person you can be at all times because you never know who will spit in your burger... Oh I hear that table 2o's food is up I gotta run.
"he'll be coming around the mountain, he'll be coming around the mountain, he'll be coming around the mountain when he spits...

Thanks for your ear and putting your finger on the Pulse with me

Patrick

the future is uncertain

You are now dialed in and have your finger on the Kemosabe Cafe Pulse!!!(and yes I am yelling this)

I'm going to be straight up with you my faithful reader...I may have had one too many fire waters in my cow mug to be writing my blog! It was a busy shift at the ol Kemosabe Cafe and I have bought a few rounds for me and my staff Ha Ha fire water classic comedy stylings from yours truly I snuck away to the office to write a great idea I had for my blog... but now I seem to have forgotten what I was going to write no problem I'll just type until it comes back to me i'm sure i'll remember what the hell did i wnt to say it was very poinyent i think that's spelled wrong but I can't seemt o get the spell check thingamajig to wark, but that's ok because i will spell check it the old fashioned way their must be a dictionary in this office somewhere...............................nope guess not

alright where was I?... ah yes being an awesome manager like myself takes a little work not a lot but a little and some times it is good to unwind (for f**k sakes is that how you spell unwind or is it unwined!!!!! screw you computer work you bastered!!!1 jlkyu;il7809[']8kih//???

Okay we are haveing technical difficulties here I blame skytec( that's from terminator for those that don't know what a great movie. the first one rocked the second one blew my mind the third was a turd and the fourth one was ass and the new one #5 is alive! (that's from short circuit. classic steve Guetemberg) Sometimes I feel like John Connors. like he has all this pressure on him to be this crazy strong leader that saves humanity from Arnold Swrtzsnager (not even close on the spelling but wel let it slide due to skytec difficulties) anyways sometimes I understand the pressure is all I'm saying. I have to stay calm and lead my staff through the busy shift and the customers are like mean robots and they are keeping us in servatude but with my leadership I make teh future uncertain and that means it is safe from skytec

Alright I have to take my finger off the pulse before Ihfldk'jaaaaakssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

New Menu Ideas

The Kemosabe Pulse

With Patrick


Howdy all you folks out there in blog land... Hello?... Anybody out there? If there is anyone out there reading this I dedicate today's blog to you. Today's topic is new menu items. I'm trying to come up with names for some new items hitting the menu soon, and I was hoping to run a few of them past you and see what you think... oh and don't get upset we are still keeping your old favorites, these are additions not replacements.

I want the names to keep with the theme of the Kemosabe Cafe and its existing cool and fun menu, like the "Big Chief Jim Burger" and our "Screaming Hot make you red face Buffalo Wings"
The first menu item is a grilled cheese sandwich made with aged white cheddar. It's served with "scalped" potatoes(get it "scalped potatoes" instead of" scalloped potatoes" LOL) I'm calling this dish "Grill Whitey".

The next addition to the menu is the "Totem Burger". This is the Kemosabe Cafe's take on the sliders craze(mini burgers). In stead of lining them up on the plate we stack them on each other like a totem pole. I know... I know.. your welcome.

Another addition to the menu is stuffed cannelloni pasta in a red wine marinara and cheese sauce. We are calling it "Canoe-dles and Cheese"(instant classic right there). Our final addition to the menu is a delicious chickpea and ox pot pie which I'm cleverly naming "Chick Pox Pie" No he didn't... Yes He Did! I'm an OP(that's Original Punster for those of you who aren't down with the lingo)

Come on down to the Kemosabe Cafe and sample some of the new menu items don't forget to call a head and make a 'reservation'... oops I did it again I made a Punny!

Well that's all for now my faithful reader. Thanks for keeping my finger company on The Pulse.

OP out

PS If anyone out there has any suggestions on any menu items( and names for these items) that you would like to see on the menu let me know. Write your ideas in the comment box on this website or on our facebook page or if your in the neighborhood you could slip it in our comment box on the counter next to the till at the Kemosabe Cafe for a chance to win a free Kemosabe Cafe T-shirt.

The Art Of Pow- wow

The Kemosabe Pulse

with me Patrick

Managing a restaurant is like being a colonel in the army, It's like "The Art Of War", a book I have yet to read. Many of the same principles are shared between winning a war and getting through a busy dinner rush I bet.

And winning a war all comes down to the strategic planning and that my friend is done in Pow-wow. That's the new name that I call our meeting with the floor staff prior to starting the shift. It's normally called pre-shift, but I think Pow-wow is a no brainer in our restaurant, those who have been there or seen some pictures know what a sweet fitting name this is. That's why this guy is in charge Col. Patrick reporting for duty Hoo-Rah! Anywho to win the war I need to deploy my troops in the right areas to hold the attack, I need good intel, and that means I need to know what kind of reservations we have for the night, and assign sections accordingly. If I have a large group coming in I will put Sue on that section because she is great at keeping everything organized, which is beneficial when they all start screaming for separate bills. I'll station Andy in the section that is most likely to have the most turn over, he can handle the pressure. If we have any staggets or girls birthday parties Chad is my man, because he knows how to work the ladies. If there are a lot of requests for the counter stools, I know we got some drinkers coming in and that's where Mel will be. And the left over section goes to Scott. He's kind of a mix between the guy in the war movies who you know isn't going to make it out alive, he's just a little too slow on throwing the grenade. And the Vietnam vet who's done too many tours and is all messed up and shell shocked, that's Scott. I try to keep him away from the front lines.

I'm not only the colonel heading up this rag tag platoon, I'm also the bomb expert. That's right you guessed it I diffuse bombs. Which is what I call a situation between my soldiers and the hostiles (staff and customers). I slide in when there is a problem and disarm the threat by buying them a dessert or taking something off the bill or I distract them with coupons. Its all about them leaving happy, they are usually wrong but at least there happy. The old adage 'the customer is always right" was proven wrong like the next table after that, but to run a successful war I need a low number of casualties. I need the hostiles to leave happy and want to come back to my little war. Because war is big business my friends.

If any of you have ever worked in the restaurant business you know what I'm talking about it's like being in the trenches man!

That's all for now folks... too many flash backs post traumatic stress from the things that I've seen and the things that I've been made to do in the name of the Kemosabe Cafe.
" The horror...the horror."

Finger Kemosabe Pulse

Thanks
Patrick

The dysfunctional Kemosabe Cafe Family

Kemosabes you now have your finger on The Pulse with Patrick

Today's topic is the Kemosabe Cafe family. I like to think of us as a working family rather than just staff members who work together at a restaurant. A loving family, but like all loving families they are bound to have moments of dysfunction. Today was a perfect example of this dysfunction.

But before I get into all that I should probably introduce you to the front of the house family(there is no real family unit in the back of the house(the kitchen staff) they are like migrant carnival workers and by that I mean no disrespect. I only liken them to carnies because they're a sketchy bunch, with bad hygiene and they're in charge of the patrons bodily safety. In this case the food in the real carnies case the death defying rides shoddily put together, maintained and run by this elite group of individuals... where was I going with this? Oh yeah don't trust your life to carnies and there is no real family unit in our kitchen)

Anywho back on topic the front of the house family consists of: Andy, Sue, Chad, Mel and Scott.
It's a rather small family for a restaurant but it's a rather small restaurant and the five of them is all we need to provide the service that our customers have come to expect. Andy is a struggling actor/waiter(how novel) he's done a few commercials and I think he played a corpse in a Steven Segal straight to DVD gem. He's got a good head on his shoulders. I would say if I weren't around he would probably be the one they would look to for leadership.

Sue is currently dating and living with Andy. I don't know how they do it, if I were to ever have a girlfriend I doubt we could ever work together. But some how those two little love birds seem to make it work. If Andy was not in the picture I'm pretty sure Sue and I would be an item. All I'm saying is strong sexual tension my friends. Sue is an aspiring actor as well, but I have over heard her talking to Mel in the change room talking about going back to school (she better not quit). She cares about issues and stuff of that flaky nature (don't tell her I said that she would be on her soap box giving me what for).

Chad is a bit of a ladies man, he's pretty cool. He's not locked down to one girl and that's how he prefers it. Him and I have a lot in common I think. He says he doesn't see it but that's kind of our relationship we like to joke around and we both enjoy a good ribbing.

Mel is a little firecracker. She's lots of laughs. She acts like she hates working here but I know deep down she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She is currently looking for love in all the wrong places( If you know what I mean). In my opinion. I don't want to toot my own horn but I think there's a little spark there too, but she might be too much of a handful for me.

And finally we have Scott. We tend to butt heads a lot and I truly believe its because we have very similar personalities. The only real difference is I don't have his highly addictive personality. (Lets just say he likes to slow dance with Mary Jane every chance he gets) If you don't know what I'm talking about that's Okay, just go ask some hip cat to translate that for you. It's a code, a smoke signal if you will(wink wink). You know what I'm talking about. But seriously great guy a little too opinionated but the little rascal means well.

I can't remember what I was going to complain about, I can't stay mad at this bunch... I should wrap this up, I have to get back on the floor this dysfunctional family needs constant supervision.

Thanks for putting your finger on The Pulse

Patrick